I had a woman attack me today after our catechism classes, indicating that she wanted special treatment for her child. I wasn't able to find any valid reason in her arguments to change the program for her; she merely wanted to bend the rules to suit her own needs instead of offering me a good reason why her child's situation was any different from the rest of the children in the program. As I explained to her, if I changed the program for her, I would have to do the same for every other child in the program. She then asked if I had children, and accused me of not bending the rules because I didn't have children. If I had had children, I would bend the rules because I would know how to handle children.
I didn't pull out my teacher's degree on the spot, and I didn't spit venom at her, though the inclination was there. When you're trying to convince the person in charge to bend the rules for you, you shouldn't tell them they're incompetent because they haven't procreated. That argument doesn't tend to win friends and influence people, and really made me less likely to want to find a way to help her.
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3 comments:
I would have spit venom!
I gave the catechesis talk to the first reconciliation children two weekends ago.
The children are supposed to do the book at home with their parents.
I say I will do a short review of what they have learned so far and they can't even tell me who our first parents are, or who was tempted by the devil with an apple,
who were the first man and women.
How can I do a short review if the parents do NOTHING with their kids at home!!!
Then parents say that it is too difficult. We already switched books this year because last year's book was too difficult (we used Faith And Life- Gr 2 last year).
I think more compassion would be granted to those - who you know (or in your case since you are new - someone has told you) attend mass weekly.
Again - the venom might work!
Pax Christi,
Teresa B.
It's amazing how little people care, isn't it? I know it's against policy to check mass attendance, but I do it anyway, especially for the people I am concerned about.
It is really too bad that people can be a) so blind to the needs of others that they think everything should accomodate them and b) so unkind as to accuse you of not understanding because you have not yet become a parent. Both aspects of her behaviour are really upsetting. I hope that I have the self-awareness to avoid similar behaviour.
I can sympathize deeply with how hurtful this must have been. During the SARS crisis I was a screener at one of the major hospitals downtown. Our policy only allowed patients into the out-patient MRI unit. There was a mother who was hell-bent on accompanying her 18 year-old daughter to her appointment, despite her daughter's assurance that she would be fine going on her own. While were were permitted to bend the rules for compassionate reasons, this mother made it very difficult to get a word in edgewise or to find compassion enough to go it. As I and my co-worker tried to explain policy to her she accused us of many horrible injustices, informed us that she had given a million dollars to the hospital and sat on its board and how dare we restrict her. The final blow was when she turned to me with a curse: "I hope that someone you love dies in here and you can't see them."
Well.
My twin sisters DID die in that same hospital some years before. And my grandfather had died only months previously.
Now a mother myself, I can understand her anxiety about needing to be with her daugther and her sadness and worry about her daughter's illness. What I fail to understand is how unkind she felt she could be to others in the face of it.
I hope the woman you had to deal with takes a minute to re-think how she acted. And I hope you'll find peace enough not to dwell on it too much.
oxo
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