Duh

Our newbie was back and in the last few crucial moments before Mass was to begin, the pastor was nowhere to be found. Nothing at all was set up, and being unfamiliar with our sacristy, I knew Fr. Newbie likely couldn't find everything on his own.

I set about getting everything out for him and pulled out a chalice with only a corporal on top of the paten. I found a large host and put it on the paten, grabbed the cruets of wine and water, poured some small hosts in a ciborium (hoping he'd actually use them this time around) and then paused in my slightly flustered state, thinking about what else I needed. Just then our new priest came in and I explained what I was doing, and added, "What am I missing?"

He said, "First of all, you don't have a purificator..." and I agreed, noting that I knew I was missing something.

He said that reminded him of a story of a confrere who they used to say had personalized, vanity license plates with the letters: "DUH" on them. He then added, "I have no idea why that story reminds me of you," and jumped backwards so I wouldn't smack him as I realized what he was implying.

I laughed at first, more about the personalized plates part of the joke, and said back snarkily that I wasn't allowed to be an altar girl so I don't exactly have a lot of experience in setting up altars. When I walked away, I was kind of hurt. Here I am trying to help out and he goes and calls me stupid.

Later I relayed this event to the cook who said, "It's a good thing we have a smart guy like him around to tell us what to do all the time" and capped it off with an overly dramatic eye roll.